I’m at the stage of pandemic purging where I finally got around to the bookshelves that have been judging me since Marie Kondo told me they don’t bring me joy. In doing so I discovered at least 6 books that fall into the genre of literature that I like to call ‘single-guilt.’
Many of these books purport to be about singleness but are rather some iteration of a “how-to”…get married, find love—or in Christian circles—trust God until you get married or find love.
I spent my early twenties consumed with these types of influences, all in some way representing a subtle but toxic culture that sees singleness as a problem to be fixed rather than a life to be lived.
I’m sure I got some value from reading these, and it’s not my intention to throw shade at a specific author or book. I know all too well that writing a book is hard, time consuming, vulnerable, respectable work...plus they already got my money.
But what these books don’t tell you is that ***Tough love alert***
a) you might always be single
AND
b) THAT. IS. OK!!!
Singleness is not punishment. It’s not failure. It’s not immaturity. Singleness is a legitimate life-state.
A relationship can be a wonderful thing, but it’s not a guarantee, nor is pursuing one an excuse to waste your prime pining for the life you think you should have rather than actually living the one right in front of you. The world needs people who can embrace singleness as more than just a season of marriage prep.
The skills of singleness have never been in more demand than they are in a time of global uncertainty and normalized social isolation.
We need adults who can self-regulate, self-soothe, self-entertain, self-motivate and navigate solitude productively. We need people who can stay calm through seasons of loneliness, who can find pleasure in their own company, who are confident in their worth, and who maybe even have spouse-free and child-free time to serve and reflect and pray and perceive in ways those occupied with family don’t have the luxury of doing.
There is a way to live a single life that is about more than trying to escape it.
And it starts by clearing our mental libraries of ideas and influences that make us feel like our worth is defined by our relationship statuses.
So what type of single are you choosing to be?
Take the What type of Single Are you Quiz to find out.