I’m not sure if Valentine’s Day is a tough day for you as a single or not, but I’m guessing there are at least a couple of other dates on the calendar which make contentment as a singleton emotionally uncomfortable for you. Maybe they’re concrete dates like a particular holiday or anniversary. Perhaps they’re moments in someone else’s life, like an engagement party or baby shower. Or, maybe, they’re markers on a hypothetical timeline, like the age you thought you’d be married by, or the life event you assumed you would have a partner to share with by now. In my experience,
mental timelines + singleness, is a formula for anxiety.
While singleness can seem to be the scapegoat for this type of worry, being anxious about perceived life deadlines is an all too human problem. Regardless of our relationship status, it is so easy for us to feel like we’re behind where we “should” be when it comes to jobs, finances, family, growth, and life in general. And while I can’t solve all of your existential angst in one blog, I wonder if
instead of wondering if you’re “behind” or not, you could ask yourself, “am I living my life purposefully?”
or, even more-so for the Christ follower, “am I living my life surrendered?”
There is no one life map for human fulfillment and there isn’t some secret key that you weren’t given. There are only the steps and choices you walk through day by day! The dates and deadlines you’ve had swirling in your (and possibly your parents’) life plan were always pretty arbitrary.
So, what if you took your relationships status off of a timeline?
What if, instead, you started focusing on living the life that you have right now: loving, learning and—let’s be honest—surviving as best as you can.
It will probably still be emotional. You may still need to process your mental maps in the safety of a friend or counsellor, or grieve your best laid plans over Feb 15th discount chocolates, but as you do so remember: You’re not behind. You haven’t missed it. And, most importantly, you’re not powerful enough to thwart God’s plans for you.